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Sunday, 7 April 2013

... because I am a parent

I can not answer your texts straight away.
I wash with babywipes.
I can sleep anywhere at any time if I see the opportunity.
It takes me three times the time it used to in order to leave the house.
I eat my dinner cold.
I do not get to finish my cup of tea.
I sometimes do not get to start my cup of tea.
I no longer enjoy shopping.
My house will always be in a constant state of disorganisation.
My appearance will always be in a constant state of disorganisation.
I can get what used to take me 3 days, done in 1 hour.
Multi tasking is now my bitch.
My make up is more slap dash than immaculate.
My hair is covered in dry shampoo.
I desperately need a break.
I feel guilty if I have a break.
I feel guilty no matter what I do.
I reside between a rock and a hard place.
I worry about the safety of every situation.
My boyfriend is not just my boyfriend - he is our protector, our safety net - our anchor.
We are not a couple, we are a family.
The Budget now affects me.
I still do not fully understand The Budget.
My breasts are no longer for show - they are working breasts.
I have very little modesty left.
I may talk to you with one boob on show and not notice.
If any nudity is pointed out to me I will not be embarrassed.
Contraception has never been more important to me.
Two hours of sleep is all I need.
I know what TV programs are on at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am etc.
I sometimes do not get round to brushing my teeth till 11am.
When you babysit for me I will be back hours earlier than intended.
I no longer enjoy wearing high heels.
An achievement is getting dressed, tidying the kitchen or getting my baby to latch.
If you do not enjoy looking at 100 pictures a week of a baby - please remove me as a Facebook friend.
Having time to have a shower is a luxury.
Having time to have a bowel movement is a luxury.
I need all meals to be edible using only one hand.
I no longer care for expensive perfume.
The best present you could get me would be nappies and wipes.
My priorities have shifted.
I forgot the date
I misplaced the form
I am late for our appointment
I missed your call
I didn't hear you knock
I am knackered
I am scared
I am stronger
I am content

Because I am now a parent.

1 comment:

  1. "I may talk to you with one boob on show and not notice." mwahahahahahahha this is my favourite!! Great Post!! (as always)


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